Barbershop Humour
(According to Giles)
Lead - I'm giving a maths quiz today. You there, tell me what 3 times 3 is.
Tenor - One Hundred and Fifty Six
Lead - Wrong answer. next person.
Bass - Three times three is Tuesday
Lead - Tuesday! Another wrong answer (Looks at last person) How about you? can you tell me what 3 times 3 is?
Bari - Three times three is nine.
Lead - Correct! And how did you arrive at that answer?
Bari - It was easy, I just subtracted 156 from Tuesday.
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Q. How do you know when a Lead is at your door?
A. He can't find his key.
Q.How does a Lead change a light bulb?
A. He just holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.
Q. How do you know when a Baritone is at your door?
A. He doesn't know when to come in.
Q. How can you tell when a Baritone is out of tune?
A. His lips are moving.
Q. What do you call ten Tenors at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A pretty good start.
Q. How can you tell if a Tenor is at your door?
A. He rushes.
Q. What's the difference between a lawn mower and a Bass?
A. You can tune the lawn mower.
Q. What did the Bass get on hi IQ test?
A. Drool.
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More Silly Stuff (From Canada)
WHATEVER HITS THE FAN WILL
NOT BE DISTRIBUTED EVENLY.
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Heaven is where?
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French, and
It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where?
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss, And
It's all organized by the Italians.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Lincolnshire. Set your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
KENTUCKY:
Five million people,
Fifteen last names.
I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
Preserve the Spotted Owl
(in formaldehyde)
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?
When you work here you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280
Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror
like the passengers in his car.
(Please submit more contributions)
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